DUDE, you can't be serious?






















So I was biking home from running a few errands yesterday and when i pulled up to my house there were two men standing at my door.  One was wearing a green police uniform. . . 

 me:  "hi, can a help you?"
 "do you live here?"
 "uhh, yeah. . . "
"are you molly c___t?" 
 "yeah, what's going on?"

Then they introduced themselves . . . one of them was a "Special Agent in the Office of Law Enforcement (U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service)" and the other a Vermont State Game Warden.    So i was obviously like "what the fuck are you two doing standing on my front steps??!!"  

They went on to ask me if i knew why they might be here.  . .   i drew a big f-ing blank and asked them to please tell me what was going on because they were "scaring the shit out of me."  

Long story short. . . they were looking into whether i was using "protected" bird feathers in my jewelry making.  Are you fucking kidding me??   I use guinea hen feathers!

I think it all stemmed from when my boyfriend sent of a little email a few months ago to a local injured bird/animal center asking if they might have any cool feathers laying around that his girlfriend could use in her jewelry making. . . they kindly emailed back saying they were sorry but that it was, in fact, illegal for them to do such a thing.  and that was that.   

When the officers asked to see my workspace i didn't even think twice about the fact that they might need a search warrant. . . or that i should probably call my boyfriend and have him with me before inviting the two men inside my house. . . but i knew i was innocent so i said, "sure, come on in."   

I lead them upstairs to my overcluttered work table and proceeded to show them the feathers i had bought from Michael's Craft Store and Orvis fly fishing store. . . After a bit more snooping and questioning (and them determining that they were just hen feathers) they gave me their business cards, a stack of flyers on which types of birds are illegal to possess or sell the feathers of, and told me they weren't going to write up a report about me. . . What in the helll would they have to put in the report anyway???

Soooo glad my state tax dollars are going towards such important criminal investigations!  There are crackheads living on my street. . . please, go knock on their door.

I thought it was only fitting to post the photos above that i had mocked up on photoshop a couple nights ago. . .